Albion's Darkest Hour
by ArtChica
Summary: Post-Season 5. Moving didn't seem to be worth the effort. But he could not stand here, staring at Avalon, forever. Merlin did not want to return to Camelot, with all its painful memories, but he was still needed there. He would not abandon Albion- or its people- during its darkest hour.


Merlin felt like his bones were made of stone. Moving seemed as if it would be so exhausting as to not be worth the effort. But he needed to move. He could not stand here, staring at Avalon, forever.

With a deep sigh, and one last thought of Arthur, Merlin turned away. He stared at the forest in front of him blankly. Without thought, he began to walk. He didn't care where he was going- nowhere held what he most desperately wanted. He didn't care whom or what saw him- nothing could do him more harm than had already been done. He just walked until he collapsed, slept, and then walked again when he awoke. There was comfort in the numbing quality of the constant movement.

After days of aimlessly wandering, Merlin recognized where he was. It seemed his feet, having received no direction from his mind, had moved in the default direction. He came to a halt, staring in the direction he knew would lead him to Camelot.

Not so long ago, he would have said to _home._

Merlin did not want to return. The thought of walking those halls, seeing the familiar people, with all the sights and sounds and smells that had colored his existence for nearly a decade- it was unimaginable. Because Merlin would look around every corner expecting to see Arthur. And when he didn't appear, the pain of loss would rip open the warlock's wounded heart once more. The pain would be unbearable.

But even worse was the thought of what he would be leaving behind. He still had friends in Camelot. Gaius, Gwen, the knights. If he never returned, he would be adding to their already heavy grief. And he just could not do that to he people he loved.

Besides, he was still needed. Camelot had just lost her king, and so many good men. Magic was still outlawed. Chaos was sure to rear its ugly head in these times of transition. Merlin felt he had already failed so many people. He would not abandon Albion during its darkest hour.

At first, no one noticed the scrawny, dirty servant stumbling through the streets. He's past the lower town before someone recognizes him. And a little further than that before someone recalls the rumor that he had found the missing King.

Then everything happened in a rapid succession. Someone shouted to send word to the castle. Red capes over iron chainmail stood in his way. Questions hurled at him in loud, demanding voices. Hands grabbed at his shoulders.

It was all too much for the shell-shocked young man, and he crouched to the ground, curling up tight and covering his head with his arms. He could feel his body shaking, but that was better than the chaos around him.

"Merlin?"

"Merlin!"

"Merlin, can you hear me? Are you ok?"

"Merlin, where have you been?"  
"Merlin, where's Arthur?"

"Emrys."

The sorcerer's head snapped up at the unexpected call. Gaius looked down at him with a mixture of emotions. Merlin saw relief, sorrow, worry, and a dozen more in the old physician's expression.

When he was finally aware of his surroundings, Merlin's heart squeezed. The infirmary that he had called home for so long felt at once comforting and torturous.

Gaius inhaled sharply when Merlin met his gaze, saddened to see such profound pain and grief in the younger man's eyes.

"I failed, Gaius. I didn't reach Avalon in time. I couldn't save Ar- save _him."_

Gaius embraced his apprentice in a warm hug. "Merlin, you did all you possibly could have. But it was Arthur's destiny to die at Camlan, and you were able to prolong his life for a few days longer. You can only cheat fate for so long before it insists on being played out."

"I thought it was my destiny to protect Arthur so he could unite Albion and restore magic to the kingdoms," Merlin protested resentfully.

"And you have done just that. So Arthur's time came to an end, and now it is time to grieve for the loss, and move forward for the sake of the future."

"What future? Arthur was my future. And now he's not here."

"You still have Camelot, and your magic." Gaius gently pushed the young man toward his room. "Get some sleep, Merlin. It will help you heal."

Merlin was woken by the sunlight peeking through the window. The half-asleep manservant rolled out of bed and dressed. Gaius was nowhere to be found, but with so many wounded to attend to, Merlin figured he was making house calls. He did not need to think about where he was going; he'd walked these halls thousands of times before, and his feet knew the way.

Pausing before the wooden door, Merlin put on an enthusiastic grin. He entered without knocking, and headed straight for the windows to draw back the curtains.

"Rise and shine, you-"

The words died in his throat as his thoughts finally caught up to his actions and he stared at the empty bed. There was no king to wake. There never would be again.

Merlin turned from the sight and stared out the window. He did not want to see this room, untouched since the day he and Arthur left it. He did not want to look around and be able to imagine that his friend would come walking through the doors at any moment, complaining about the state of his armor or the mess in his room. He did not want to be reminded that Arthur would never be in this room again.

So instead, the sorcerer stared out the window at the neutral, unmarred sky.

"There you are, Merlin. I thought I might find you here."

Guinevere entered the king's chambers and approached Merlin slowly, as if approaching a wounded animal.

Merlin had not moved from the window, even as he watched the sun trace its path from east to west. But at the voice of his friend and queen, he turned to look at her.

"My Lady."

Gwen frowned. Then, to Merlin's surprise, came forward so that she could wrap her arms around him.

"It's just Gwen to you, Merlin. You have been my friend far longer than I have been your queen."

Merlin hugged her back. "I'm so sorry, Gwen. I failed. I did everything I could to save him, but it wasn't enough. I still failed to save him."

"I know, Merlin. I know. You have always been there, at his side, protecting him. If anything could have been done, you would have done it. And I thank you for that."

The two friends, who had been the two people closest to Arthur, embraced each other, seeking comfort from one another.

"I must admit, I was not sure you would return to Camelot if- if he did not," Gwen said, then quickly added, "But I am grateful that you have. I could not bear to lose another friend so soon."

Merlin whispered, "I was not sure I would return either."

"Merlin, I have to ask, what will you do now?"

The dark-haired man pulled back slightly, confused by the question. He was about to reply that nothing had changed, that he was still a servant, and was happy to be until the day he died (he'd told Arthur that before, and it was still true).

But then he closed his mouth, his heart sinking to the pit of his stomach. Because of course things had changed. _Everything_ had changed. And he couldn't very well go on being the King's manservant if there was no longer any king to serve. Merlin found himself suddenly out of a job.

"I… I don't know. I hadn't given it thought," he confessed, dejected. What would he do now?

Gwen saved him. "I thought you might want to continue on as Gaius' apprentice, since you have already learned so much from him. Or perhaps you would prefer to return to Eialdor to be with your mother. It must be painful for you to be in Camelot. I would not hold it against you if you wished to leave, though Camelot would be a darker place without you.

"Or," she continued, sounding cautiously hopeful, "you could stay here and join my council of advisors."

Merlin had been debating the first two options, but the third one caught him off guard. "Me? Why on earth would you want me to be your advisor? I'm just a servant."

"As was I before I became queen. As were some of the knights before they were given the chance to join the round table," Gwen reminded him. "Besides, you are much more than that."

Merlin's heart stopped in fright, afraid to ask what she meant by that.

"You are Arthur's closest friend and confidant," (Merlin breathed a sigh of relief) "and you know him better than anyone else. I know he sought your advice when making his most difficult decisions, and I wish to rule in a way he would be proud of. Please Merlin, say you'll consider my offer."

After a long stretch of silence, Merlin merely replied, "I will give it some thought."

He pulled away and turned toward the door, intent on leaving the king's empty chambers. But Gwen's words froze him in his tracks.

"I hope you will. I could really use your advice when I review the laws banning the practice of magic."

For the first time in days, a tiny flame of hope warmed his heart. He only managed to hide his grin by not turning around to face the queen.

"I shall let you know soon."


End file.
